I'm reading A Chance to Die, by Elisabeth Elliot. The story is about Amy Carmichael, someone, I'm finding, who I relate to quite well (perhaps too well?)

As I've been reading, I've been inspired to write more, to memorize more, to read more. This woman's story has struck a cord with me.
One paragraph in particular, reading this morning, really hit home. Chapter 8, pages 78-79. Elisabeth writes about Miss Carmichael's loneliness. Her desire for a friend - companionship, and the lesson of letting go of those who you hold dear.
Summed up in this stanza by Frances Ridley Havergal;
"Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure-store.
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee."

I was inspired to write...
...
As autumn comes to a start - the leaves turning gold and brown, the rare maple and oak trees exploding with reds and oranges - I'm reminded of another year coming to a close - another year basically alone.

I'm not so alone that I have no family and some few, dear friends. And the love in the home I've been raised in, though sometimes passionately argumentative, is unlike most families in the 21st century.
My siblings and I are very close. We are, in fact, best friends... but the ache of "the alien experience" as a "foreigner in a place of isolation," that Amy Carmichael writes about, strikes a cord.
Extended family, my mom and sister, and friends, have all, graciously and lovingly, suggested my need to get a boyfriend... to move myself to a place where "there is more variety on the market." Not that I disagree with this, per say, but rather, I disagree that being one of the main reasons to move, and I disagree with the method of "getting a man" (and I'd really prefer not to get anything... I would much rather build a friendship with a variety of people, if that's alright? It sounds too much like "I'm going to go get my shoes, or get fish for dinner...).

To be quite blunt, I'm in my early twenties and I have never dated - or been on a date. The last time I was asked on a date was six years ago, and I politely declined (it's an odd and bizarre story).
Guys will give me their phone number, and I understand there is less risk in giving a girl your number than asking a girl for her name, number and if you can call her (risk, risk, risk... hmmm). A friend of mine even asked, "if I'd given you my number, because we're friends, would you have called me?" I'm rather idealistic, and in my idealism I say, "yes." In reality, I might not have. But that has never happened, so I don't know.

I don't expect "Mister Right," as a family member refers to him, to "come rescue me and ride off with me into the sunset." For one thing, I would rather have a horse of my own, and for another, I have no intention of being some damsel in distress to be rescued, and turned into a trophy wife! (although if that's what you want to do, God bless you, and I sincerely hope you have fun :)

But I do tend to be more of a task-oriented person, relationships are important, but I prefer the ones that are close, deep and dependable.
I am terribly sorry to those who think I ought to be dating right now, and I promise to "leave a little room for romance in my life, as nothing in the world can replace the likes of it." But, when you've moved around about every four to five years of your life, not a bad thing but certainly a disturbance, and your family finally lands in a place so unlike anything you would call "home," living there for nearly a decade, you find your closest and more consistent friendships are with fellow nomads, just like you... and you find yourself waiting for a like-minded nomad, lonely, looking for friendship, companionship, who deeply loves and trusts (obeying) the Lord, before you tie yourself down to anyone... Ever.

All that to say, for those of you who are concerned about me waiting for "Mr. Right," or "Prince Charming," or whatever term you choose to use, I'm not sitting around waiting on my bum for "the perfect guy." I'm trusting the Lord that there is someone who I am right for, and who is right for me. Someone whom I can trust as a friend and brother... someone who I can challenge, who challenges me... someone "who says such things as to show that they are looking for a country of their own..." Someone who "is longing for a better country--a heavenly one" (Hebrews 11) Someone who "is in this world, but not of it..."

A warrior of Christ...
Leader...
A brother... friend, minister...
A preacher,
Fighter...
Someone unafraid to argue...
An intellect...
Respectful...
Who understands honor and integrity.
Who will walk to the edge,
And if the time is right,
When the need arises,
will jump off the edge




And trust the One who Is to protect him from all harm.

Yes, I'm idealistic.